Like a lot of people I know, I’m still feeling the effect of losing an hour with Daylight Savings being yesterday. It’s dawning has had me thinking more about time than usual. As it is I already think about time a lot. In fact, if I had a superpower it would be to control time. I’d make the good times last longer and the bad times fly by. I’d make more hours in the day so I could get everything done – something like a superhero goal-slayer. I’d rewind time and stretch out moments with my Grandma & father. I’d take back words I’d said in the heat of the moment from past conversations. I’d also go back and insert comebacks from conversations where I didn’t have one at the time.
I also think about the timing of life. How something as simple as losing my keys, which makes me leave home 5 minutes later than I planned, also makes me miss an accident on the highway that I could’ve been in had I left on time. I think about missed opportunities, those where if I’d met someone just a year or months later the time may have been right for something real to have developed. I think about what may have happened if I had just waited a little longer for a job to open instead of jumping on whatever opportunity came my way out of desperation or urgency. I also wonder about the reverse: what would have happened if I would have called back about an opportunity quicker instead of waiting and being indecisive.
And of course I wonder about wasted time. I wonder if it’s too late to get the things I really want in life. I wonder if I’ve wasted too much time chasing the wrong people and the wrong things. Believing the wrong things and listening to the wrong people. Even though I believe all things happen for a reason, I wonder if it took me too long to learn the lessons I’ve needed to learn in life. For sure wasted time is one of those things that has kept me up some nights.
The wait. The what if’s. The feeling of how fleeting it all feels. Time is so abstract and yet so much in our life hinges on it. It feels like there’s never enough of it. In the end it’s at the heart of everything.