I’m going to be in a production in two months, which will be the first time in I don’t know how long that I’ll be on stage. As part of the requirement I had to submit a bio of myself. I’ve done bios before so I had one ready to send. But something told me to go ahead and edit what I had.You see for as long as I’ve been blogging my biggest struggle has been whether I want to merge my worlds: my day job, 9-5 me with this the real me. It’s not that one is less than, but in my day-to-day I’m private. A lot more than I am on here. Still- I think most people can get that idea of wanting to separate church and state.
So with that in mind I was working on this bio. And as I did, those voices came up that I hear from time to time. Maybe you’ve heard them too. The, “you can’t say that you do that because it’s not done and you’re still working on it.” “You really haven’t done anything big or official.” Basically the bitch in my head that I picture as the symbol of imposter syndrome popped up. The voice that makes you afraid to state your truth and say what it is that you’re about because of fear of judgement. Let me tell you how messed up this voice was. As I was contemplating listing my book chapters and the book I co-edited/created, I heard this voice say,“but you only have one book, and that came out 3 years ago. It’s old news now.”
As I write that I’m side-eyeing my damn self. Because come on now. My name is on a book. I created something. A majority of the people in this world will never write a book or be published period. I not only created one but I have chapters in other people’s books. What in the entire hell does it matter if I just have one or if it’s a few years old. Crazy!
And yet that’s how that imposter syndrome works right? We doubt ourselves. We create these ridiculous standards that NO ONE else has. And we play small because in our eyes being great involves something beyond Similarly, as I started writing about my entrepreneurship I went back and forth with writing that too. But I’m still working on it/need to file LLC papers/ am not close to opening, I second-guess mentioning it at all. Meanwhile I’m working on a product every other day, working on the money to start it – and balancing it all by myself amidst working on day job. But again, that feeling of being a fraud and being scared of saying something came on.
This self doubt and these crazy standards are how people end up playing small. We all contribute to the universe and add some worth. But because some of us (I know I’m not alone with this) have this insane idea of what we should be doing, and these sky-high ideals we put upon ourselves, we don’t even mention our blessings – which I have to believe makes God mad. That has to stop. Even if it makes us uncomfortable, promoting ourselves and standing tall in our talent is a good thing. It takes practice to promote yourself and show off what you’ve done, trust me I know. But playing small, doubting yourself, listening to the bitch in your head…nah. If it happens to you, do what I do: just say “Not today girl” or some variation of that. And take that voice popping up as a sign that you’re going in the right direction.